The God Box Wagon

3. Devil Blues

Well I got the devil blues

But I ain’t as blue as most people

You’ll find the sorry kind

Underneath the church house steeple

I got the devil blues in me

Some years ago they tried

To baptize me in the river Ohio

I held that preacher under

His hair turned white

And his heart turned cold

I got the devil blues in me

They put me in the youth hospital

Sayin’ I’d seen too much TV

But all the old folks say

I got the devil inside me

Those mean old devil blues in me

The door to door preacher came

Trying to sell us the word of God

I said friend I done been sold

Handed him Marquis de Sade

I got the devil blues with me

I didn’t see TV ten years

They finally said that I was well

They said I got to church

Or else I’d got to hell

With the devil blues in me

Late one Saturday night

Somebody blew up the church

They found me at the library

Dogs and guns led their search

I was doing research on the devil blues

They asked me questions till the dawn

Boy did you set off that dynamite

I said sir I did not

I held the flashlight

I got the devil blues in me

They said boy who was working with you

I said take a lucky guess

They said that name and shuttered

I smiled and I said yes

I had the devil blues with me

There’s a one way road to heaven

It goes through church and Sunday school

I can make joyful noise

On the toilet stool

I got the devil blues in me

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4. Oh Woman

You’re a woman that’s what you say

I say you work in mysterious ways

I’m on my knees every other day

Oh Woman

I was born with shoes and a long sleeve shirt

Straight into the barn where the hoof prints hurt

But I was twelve years old before I said a dirty word

Oh Woman

I drink my coffee straight from the tap

No cream no sugar I take it black

No bread no wine he can have it back

Oh Woman

I was dreaming about the time I caught a nasty influenza

My head was hot and melting causing mass hallucinations

There were people on the ceiling screaming “Lead in wrong directions”

Oh Woman

You’re a woman that’s what you say

I say you work in mysterious ways

I scream your name in vain they say

Oh Woman

I was born with boots and a half hidden tail

With a sprout of mistletoe peaking through the scales

I was 21 before I spent the Sabbath in jail

Oh Woman

I drink my Koolaid down like poison

Raise my glass to all the other children

With his blood we’ll meet our mothers in heaven

Oh Woman

I was killing every brain cell with a cleaner for the kitchen

In the hopes I’d be too blind to see the depth of my depression

Somebody saved my life posed as a kitchen cleaner salesman

Oh Woman

You’re a woman that’s what you say

I say you work in mysterious ways

One look at you and I’ve turned gray

Oh Woman

I was born with cleats and a pocketknife

I traded my cleats for a secondhand wife

I traded true love for eternal life

Oh Woman

I drink my whiskey straight from the source

It blows my brain and it rips my voice

But I’d drown in that river if I had the choice

Oh Woman

I was killing every brain cell with a paper bag addiction

The vapors of adhesion take away my dark condition

I danced across the ceiling without shame or inhibition

Oh Woman

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5. Sardine

Sardine you’re all that I got

And you’re not very much to look at

Well I see you sitting there

With that glassy stare

So twisted and grimy and crooked

Sardine I know you got backbone

You ain’t afraid to show me

Oh but I can’t find you’re heart

When you fall apart

Are you nothing but skinny and bony

Chorus

Oh but you taste so much like a woman

But that just means that you are the real thing

It’s as though you sleep

Where the passion runs deep

And deeper is where the sweetest things cling

You sleep so close like flies on paper

With your sisters and your brothers

And I look into your eyes

Like big blackberry pies

And I chew you up just like all the others

And my breath will carry you all night

And linger on until tomorrow

Oh until I scrape you out
Of the cracks of my mouth

And hope that you’re children will follow

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6. Skyclad

I don’t want to live in fear of thorns and nails

I want to go skyclad with pagan females

I don’t want to be the man on the soapbox

I want to go skyclad on the equinox

Chorus

I want to go skyclad

I want to go skyclad with all of you

Well you fellas want to lock it up in a cotton prison

Well I had my vision and I made my decision

I don’t want to be the fat man in charge

I want to go with the blood ticks out in my yard

Cut me up put me in your brewing pot

After I plant my seeds in the lot

Give me black rhino powder and horny goat weed

Snake venom possum tail whatever I need

I flick my coon dick toothpick into the leaves

Where the heathen women and me is thick as thieves

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7. Family Night

Well it was family night up at the Johnson place

Where they sit around the table and talk about their day

It’s said to be a common activity

Among today’s tight knit families

Mr. Johnson turned to his eldest son

Curious to find out the work he’d done

And he was proud to tell his old man

About his work as a salesman

Son let me give you some fatherly advice

You gotta be careful around that anhydrous

Well you’re bound to make more than a brain surgeon

Selling crystal meth amphetamines

Well it’s family night everybody get together

We’re a family by god birds of a feather

It’s family night we’ll make a joyful noise

Mommies and daddies girls and boys

Mr. Johnson turned to his only daughter

She turned to her alleged father

Daughter how’s the sixth grade treating you

And tell me when is the baby due

Daddy it’ll be coming out this fall

I feed him good drugs and alcohol

Little Johnny won’t take me for a wife

‘Cause he won’t drop out though I’m pro-life

Mr. Johnson turned to his other son

Who wears black clothes and plays with guns

He didn’t want to talk to his dad

Till Mr. Johnson lit the last joint he had

Dad all the kids make fun of me

‘Cause I ain’t lost my virginity

Son let me tell you after dinner

Take twenty dollars over to the senior center

Daddy where is mommy dearest

Is she not here ‘cause she doesn’t love us

No kids your momma’s out working hard

Selling lap dances at a frat boy bar

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8. Soap In My Mouth

I aim to kill you Jesus

Dead as a doorbell

If you don’t die

All the sinners go to hell

Let those who have sinned

Use nails instead of stones

Let those who turn the other cheek

Wear the crown of thorns

The jews killed Jesus

Hitler killed the Jews

Peace and love killed the Fascists

Hippies killed the blues

Well I’m going down South

To put soap in my mouth

I’m gonna get baptized

And blow my brains out

Carpenters build crosses

Killers start religions

Atheists burn churches

That never have existed

I ate poison

With some older children

And ever since the voices scream

Turn your head and listen

Condoms killed the Catholics

Welfare killed control

Education killed the Baptists

By the help of rock and roll

Drugs kill depression

The rehab killed the drugs

Then he good lord killed me

With a forty four slug

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9. Confidence Man

You got a pretty smile I can smile too

Smile so big my head’s in two

You want to be a friend you can be mine

I’ll keep you happy in the sunshine

Take my hand it’s warm you can tell

You can feel my heart it’s hotter than hell

‘Cause I been there and I can take you too

I can make all your bad dreams come true

I like small towns and the people there

Easier money than welfare

What does it take to get a handout

A sucker to trust you without a doubt

But they need me and I need them

We’re all red blooded hard working men

Good or bad where do I stand

Between the devil and the dollar is a confidence man

It’s a confidence game I’m a confidence man

Sure I’ll win sure as I stand

Genuine I am honest I ain’t

Stab you in the back smiling like a saint

Confidence man in a confidence game

I’ll leave you with nothing but your shame

Your momma warned about a confidence game

But she’s been taken in just the same

By a confidence man

When the market dies like it always does

Everybody’s pockets are lighter than they was

Everybody’s mad everybody‘s pissed

Can’t believe they were taken by a scam like this

Still they can’t even understand

How they got swindled by an ordinary man

Then they realize that’s why I came

To make them all losers in a confidence game

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10. Scarecrow

Scarecrow stood like Jesus Christ

While the rain came down as ice

And froze his face into a twisted smile

Black crow perched atop the barn

Shaking trying to keep warm

Watching Mr. Scarecrow all the while

Black Crow knows that scarecrow dying

His face is solid frozen

And he’ll be too if he cannot get warmer

Before this mighty mean ice storm

Scarecrow kept this wealthy farm

The pride of Mr. Jebediah Farmer

Now Jebediahs gone away

Because the bills could not get paid

He flew away on bullet bound for Jesus

But still the icy rain comes down

Before long Scarecrow’s gonna drown

Unless the wind first tears him into pieces

Black Crow stands on solid steal

Looking for a solid meal

Scarecrow’s smiling saying “Come and get some”

I have nothing to defend

And I will never live again

Everything’s been pissed away to heaven

Scarecrow thought of Farmer Jeb

And the bullet he put in his head

All because he could never live a poor man

Now Scarecrow’s feeling awful cold

Half as proud and twice as bold

And curses Jeb as not worth a good goddamn

“Find a man so rich with power

But underneath is such a coward

To take his life but leave his only begotten scarecrow

He left me here to shoo the crows

From all the crops that are long since froze

An ornament among the ice and snow”

Black crow listens from the barn

To his old enemy of the farm

Cause sometimes you just need someone to listen

Then he flies closer to his foe

Who keeps the food from the hungry crows

Knowing there is no more food it is all frozen

Black Crow sees the scarecrows smile

Shocked at his irreverent style

Because scarecrows are so often stern and callous

Black crow says to his old enemy

“Do you have any thing for me?

Your smile makes a starving bird so jealous”

Scarecrow says “The game is done

I guess you could say that you won

But soon you may follow me to heaven

Black Crow says “My dear old foe

That kingdom is far too cold

I was cast out once and I do not want back in”

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11. Annie Dhydde

She refused an epidural

Hoping for a girl

Doctor looked into her big blue eyes

She said doc how’d I do

Doc didn’t say coochi coo

He said ma’am you done birthed the antichrist

Screaming and a-cussing from that hospital bed

She should have watched the words she said

She screamed Goddammit

Lord Goddammit

She screamed Goddammit

Annie did

That little boy was really bad

Baddest boy she ever had

On account of him being the antichrist and all

He about drove her up the wall

She drove out to the mall

And to Walgreens where she bought Tylenol

Screaming and a-cussing from that hospital bed

She should have watched the words she said

She screamed Goddammit

Lord Goddammit

She screamed Goddammit

And he did

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12. Black Yodel No. 7

An angel road the bus home

I believed her wings were broken

She asked me the time of day

I asked if she was joking

She smiled like a woman

And her tricks were turning

I smiled like a baby

And felt my body burning

She said how are you

Not expecting me to answer

I said fairly well

Doctors say I killed the cancer

It’s going out of style

She inquired about the flavor

I said it wasn’t mine

It was in my next door neighbor

I scratched my big red nose

As the wind blew through my beard

If I shave too often

My face looks really weird

She pulled out her bandana

It wasn’t dirty or red

Even though inside held

A severed shrunken head

I stared like a creep

Into those tiny eyes

And then one winked at me

As they other began to cry

She started laughing

And tickling its chin

Like it was a baby

Or newborn kitten

I pulled out my cell phone

It melted in my hand

She pulled out a bottle

And fed the little man

I dinged the dinger

The bus came to a stop

She said thank you sir

This is where I get off

I swallowed my vomit

So casual and discreet

But the taste of eggs and koolaid

Sent it splattered on my feet

I pulled out my tic tacs

The driver hit the breaks

I ran for the exit

I didn’t say thanks

I wanted to sneeze

Then I wanted to shave

I wanted to steal her head

And put him in a grave

I’m glad her wings are broken

I hope they turn to dust

I gonna learn to drive

And never ride the bus

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13. Squirm Squirm Squirm

Squirm Squirm Squirm

Little worm worm worm

Little worm is gonna squirm

Until it learns learns learns

There’s germs germs germs

In the ferns ferns ferns

If you have concerns

You won’t return turn turn

Squirm Squirm Squirm

Little worm worm worm

Little worm is gonna squirm

Until it burns burns burns

Then its churn churn churn

Ashes turn turn turn

Place them atop a mantle in an

Urn Urn Urn

Squish Squish Squish

Little fish fish fish

You cuss and you fight

And you twitch twitch twich

Eat you fresh fresh fresh

Inside a dish dish dish

I can’t grant little fish

His last wish wish wish

Squish Squish Squish

Little fish fish fish

Little fish is gonna squish

With sweet relish lish lish

Delish lish lish

On a sandwich wich wich

Fit for a king or

Son of a bitch bitch birch

Twirl twirl twirl

Little girl girl girl

Twirl all around

Till you hurl hurl hurl

Swirl swirl swirl

Like a squirrel squirrel squirrel

Swing around let your freak flag

Unfurl furl furl

Twirl twirl twirl

Little girl girl girl

Twirl your twirly hair

Into curls curls curls

Let it whirl whirl whirl

Down your apparel parel parel

Let it twirl and unfurl

Across the world world world

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14. The Panther Song

Little boys little girls listen to my song

It may help your lives to be long

Your mommies and daddies may disagree

And say the only monsters are folks like me

They’ll say there ain’t no reason to fear

We ain’t got no panthers around here

Don’t go into the woods alone

You’re gonna wish you’d stayed at home

You’ll hear the birds and crickets stop chirpin’

In the darkness you’ll see something lurkin’

The sound of it’s cry will make you sick

Make the hair stand up on the back of your neck

You’re gonna know just what I mean

When you hear that high pitched scream

Your flashlight may catch eyes of green

A sight you’ll wish you’d never seen

He’ll be prowling you’ll be praying

You’ll see Jesus he’ll be saying

That’s when you’re gonna start to run

Wish you’d grabbed daddy’s shotgun

But you ain’t even got a pocket knife

Hope you’ve enjoyed your short life

They’ll find your body days later

Be a manhunt for a child killer

Who slices throats and gouges eyes

Prefers victims of a smaller size

So enjoy your childhood have a ball

Tomorrow may not come at all

But if you become panther prey

You’ll wish you’d died yesterday

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15. If I Had My Druthers

Don’t you go motherfuckering me boys